Too much lunch

I've been eating lunch with my women friends. Talking about our successful families. Complaining about the temperature. Eating soup and salad and drinking cafe au laits. I think I'm wasting my life. I know all these relationships are important and productive. I need something sharper, something crystal clearer. I'm fat and soft and dumb during the day. It's a kind of language. At night I'm spiritual or I'm rational. I need to cut through both so I can create. I need to create something even if it is a feeling or an attitude.