Power and Trauma

I realize there is a connection between being powerful and being traumatized. In my life today I have a healthy middle class attitude where I work on myself and work with my family and friends. I process, but I process events and activities that are not very traumatic. When I was trying to be powerful I traumatized myself time and time again. Power over others is not natural and is traumatic and results in self trauma. The problem is that our society is so obsessed with power over others, which instead of helping results in more problems caused by the trauma of being controlled and controlling. Yet sometimes I yearn for power and the excitement it enables. It was a different lifestyle, more enjoyable and more painful at the same time. What I have now is enjoyable too, and much more productive. I am becoming wealthy.