commitment

I realize that I am beginning to have a commitment towards my church and the people in it. Also I am beginning to be committed to some of the people in my 12-step program. I was lonely before because I couldn't commit to anyone. I can only commit when the people I am committing to are nice to me and have a commitment to me or to the same dream or process or idea. Especially I need them to be nice, kind and considerate of me before I can commit to them and enable myself to be happily mirrored by them. With out commitment at best I am living vicariously through them. I have been living vicariously through people my whole life, until now, when I'm finding commitment. No wonder I can spend the whole day at home and not feel bored or lonely. It is the commitment that keeps me from feeling anxious or depressed or angry. Now I am just focusing on my commitments most of the day and this keeps me feeling happy and content. I need to find people who are nice to me and who I like and respect. I need to respect their program.