Okay, now acting books

My latest discovery have been acting books. From what I'm reading and am thinking about so far, its all about the body, not feelings. It's what you can get the body to do. I makes me wonder about the psyches of actors who are so good at their bodies and their craft, but then what about the inside and feelings. It would be nice to be very much in my body and I like the idea of my bodies behavior or what to do with my body as determining my behavior. I like thinking about my body. Today I danced and drummed and did some karate and some yoga. Later I went for a walk in the rain. I think I'm going to spend my time with my body, listening to what it wants.

Psycho-analysis and rejection

I realize one of the feelings I'm dealing with is that I reject a lot of people and myself time to time. I especially reject talkers, like its not okay to just chit chat and talk about nothing. But that is exactly how a lot of people, myself included, like to process. I reject my own voice in myself and in others. This is something I am becoming aware of and need to work on. In fact I believe that most of my negative feelings come from my experiences of rejection. I need to be around people who are not rejecting me and I need to consciously not reject others in my life.

Model Horse hobby

I am considering taking up model horses as a new hobby. It looks like fun and I spent about an hour today looking at all the blogs. Also I am going to one Alanon meeting a week to work with my other 12 step program. I think a lot of people in Alanon are in a love/hate relationship with their qualifier. Also there is so much boredom in taking care of other people it easily turns love to hate. Hobbies are so good against boredom and help set boundaries. I let my sponsor go. She was just too into everybody taking care of everybody. That was because of my neurosis and bad boundaries that I got sucked up into that way of co-dependent thinking. I think when I get a new sponsor I will just call once a week, not everyday. We just got so emeshed. Also too much processing makes me sick, really. I need time to unwind and relax and not do so much work on myself all the time. Magic is work on myself, it counts and it gets to much.